Recently someone left a comment on an old post I wrote about *whisper* dbt. This person wrote that she was sadistically abused from the age of four and she lived in a cult for 14 years. Her comment was that she had never heard anyone speak so venomously about dbt (my words) and that aided by dbt and exposure therapy she was able to completely work through all of her trauma in just a few weeks and it “worked like a charm”. (Really, the words within the quotations are hers, she said, “it worked like a charm”.)
And at first, I was all, “Damn girl, give me the name of your therapist cuz that is seriously taking the express lane!” But then I shook my head because frankly I consider myself a woman of above average intelligence... »View More
Added Wednesday, September 8, 2010
in Bitter is the new black, CB rant you should ignore, DBT is NOT Therapy, Does this post make my ass look big?, Feeling stabby again, I hate DBT, I unapologize, Marsha is a cult leader, Nod if you can hear me, This is MY blog dammit!, stop judging me!
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Added Tuesday, September 7, 2010
in Actual Conversation, Bitch-slapped by the universe, CB rant you should ignore, ED, PDOC, depression, dissociation, sui-sui-suidio..., suicide
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Everyone is chapping my ass right now and I’m needing to find a SUPERSIZED stick of chapstick. I’m talking GI-NOR-MOUS!
Let me start with Friend A. Friend A is a USER. Friend A calls me only when she needs something. I have spoken to friend a only a few times this past year and it is ONLY WHEN SHE “NEEDS” SOMETHING from me! Oh, wait, I should explain that friend a is a bona-fide princess…never worked a day in her life and was married to a golf pro (now divorced). Prior to this year the only time she called me was when she needed some meds. The first time was when she “needed” me to co-sign on a loan for her to get a house? SERIOUSLY? Not gonna happen. The next time I heard from friend A was when she wanted... »View More
Added Monday, August 30, 2010
in Bitter is the new black, CB rant you should ignore, Does this post make my ass look big?, Feeling stabby again, I got married for this?, I should drink more, I unapologize, Post will destruct in 10 seconds, Therapist, stupid people annoy me
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Added Sunday, August 29, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, CB rant you should ignore, Dear Insiders: Stop bothering me!, I have bad genes, I see dead people...again, Post I will prob'ly delete tomorrow, Repeat the trauma, Shame, Shit! I attached to my feelings, Therapist, depression, dissociation, sui-sui-suidio...
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So the therapist has named her back-up who will cover for her during her vacation. And *Grace wipes sweat from her brow* I can rest easy because I KNOW *IT*! I am bathed in relief! Because now I KNOW there ain’t no way I’m gonna get through the two weeks…well, that was before I came up with my own “back-up”….I shall elaborate.
THE BACK UP (fat ass Marsha ‘wannabe’ posing as a “therapist) When the therapist pulled the execution boundary card and insisted that I attend DBT classes, she “strongly” suggested I take these classes with this social worker/pseudo-therapist she works with at the hospital so the two of them could meet on a regular basis and discuss how they would like to torture me next. I did NOT take... »View More
Added Tuesday, August 24, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, CB rant you should ignore, DBT is NOT Therapy, Host Body is a Bitch, I can do it by myself, I hate DBT, I unapologize, Just leave already!, Marsha is a cult leader, Now even I hate me, Post I will prob'ly delete tomorrow, Therapist, Why should I trust you, sui-sui-suidio...
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Life is not running smoothly at the moment. I feel alone, directionless and desperate. I am worn out, emotionally and physically. Sometimes the burden of “keeping myself safe” is too heavy. It is asking too much of me to “manage” all of follies, the nightmares, the triggers, the shame, the embarrassment, the rage – the internal voices who scream and cry and rage…all with no support. It is too much! And trying to avoid all of that shit is like avoiding breathing, which I wouldn’t mind doing right now. Something has to give. There is only so much one person can deal with day in and day out every single day and night! There is only so much!
I am not equipped to handle an entire Pie of Crazy.
The therapist... »View More
Added Sunday, August 22, 2010
in 5 year old Grace, CB rant you should ignore, CSA, CrazyBrain, Dear Insiders: Stop bothering me!, Flashback Follies, I can't breathe, I see dead people...again, I should drink more, Just leave already!, Living in Lonesome Town, Nod if you can hear me, Now even I hate me, Shame, Therapist, depression, dissociation, nightmares & terror
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This post is set to self destruct in T-10Ds…as am I. I should also warn you that it this is a very insane crazybrain ranting that you should ignore altogether. I, on the other hand, cannot ignore it, since it is happening INSIDE OF ME! Oh how I wish it were not so…. I have been sitting here for 30 minutes methodically cutting vicodin and seroquel in half and listening to this fucking new-age relaxation music and I cannot relax. Go figure!
Long ago I scrounged up the money I needed to purchase some emotional armor and some bricks. I used those bricks to build a safehouse for my soul. Protection ~ a soul-fortress. I knew that inside that fortress there was damage, and that the emotional armor was only going to work for... »View More
Added Saturday, August 21, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, CB rant you should ignore, Humiliation, I attached to my feelings, Just leave already!, Now even I hate me, Post will destruct in 10 seconds, Shame, Therapist, TraumaHead, depression, dissociation, sui-sui-suidio...
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So…it’s just me, a bottle of wine, and my net-book PinkyPie.
let me start by saying that this post is absolutely filled with a shitload of very useful and important information – like “holy grail” shit, so you may wanna just skip on over me and read someone else’s blog, someone much more interesting and definitely less fucked up than me. I know a lot of awesome bloggers and am happy to offer suggestions should you like.
Holy shit, ya’ll! I never realized how bright our door bell light is! Like, Damn! But maybe it isn’t the doorbell light at all, but a ONE-EYED-ZOMBIE! (is doorbell 1 worrd, or 2?)…a ZOMBIE-CLOPS, or a CY-ZOMBIE. Who’s to say…but that orange eye looks pretty fucking menacing that’s all... »View More
Added Friday, August 20, 2010
in Because I said so-that's why, CB rant you should ignore, Does this post make my ass look big?, I should drink more, I unapologize, Now that's just funny, Post will destruct in 10 seconds, Sleep? Who needs it! ME, You're welcome
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…I still haven’t had that drink! Or a lollipop !
ok- now I was going to try to make this funny ‘cept now I remember the ESF referencing lollipops and oral sex. shit! Not even innocent little Shirley Temple and freakin’ candy is immune to my crazybrain! That sucks! Shit! That’s bad too!
It’s a REALLY REALLY bad night here…like apparently the therapist is wrong when she says all this *bliss* and *support* is right at my finger tips…because I could NOT feel more alone and self-destructive. Oh, wait, she wasn’t wrong…I just suck! Shit! Again with the word play!
Shit! I FAIL on the FUNNYness tonight!!! Maybe there’s some humor in my damn bag of “cope”. ... »View More
Added Monday, August 16, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, CB rant you should ignore, CrazyBrain, ESF (evil step-father), Flashback Follies, I see dead people...again, I should drink more, Now even I hate me, Post I will prob'ly delete tomorrow, Scalpel please, Shit! I attached to my feelings, Stop...I want off!, depression, dissociation, sui-sui-suidio...
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I am totally going mad- crazy – insane… Not that you wake up one morning and you’ve tumbled into the wonderland of insanity…no! Sadly, it is a slow and painful process. Fortunately no one is around at night to watch the horror show of Grace as it plays out. Since contact with and assistance from a Demonologist seems unlikely, perhaps a stake through the heart would work. She’s joking…that would be a painful way to die. But nonetheless, the internal natives are restless.
I was supposed to do something with a friend today but then I couldn’t. I couldn’t. I finally texted her back this morning and apologized…I’m a terrible friend, I said. I’m terrible at a lot of things right now. ... »View More
Added Sunday, August 15, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, Bitter is the new black, CB rant you should ignore, I have bad genes, Living in Lonesome Town, Post will destruct in 10 seconds, Shit! I attached to my feelings, Therapist, This post is inadmissible in court, depression, sui-sui-suidio...
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