So the therapist has named her back-up who will cover for her during her vacation. And *Grace wipes sweat from her brow* I can rest easy because I KNOW *IT*! I am bathed in relief! Because now I KNOW there ain’t no way I’m gonna get through the two weeks…well, that was before I came up with my own “back-up”….I shall elaborate.
THE BACK UP (fat ass Marsha ‘wannabe’ posing as a “therapist) When the therapist pulled the execution boundary card and insisted that I attend DBT classes, she “strongly” suggested I take these classes with this social worker/pseudo-therapist she works with at the hospital so the two of them could meet on a regular basis and discuss how they would like to torture me next. I did NOT take... »View More
Added Tuesday, August 24, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, CB rant you should ignore, DBT is NOT Therapy, Host Body is a Bitch, I can do it by myself, I hate DBT, I unapologize, Just leave already!, Marsha is a cult leader, Now even I hate me, Post I will prob'ly delete tomorrow, Therapist, Why should I trust you, sui-sui-suidio...
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Added Friday, August 20, 2010
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Yesterday in session when I told the therapist that I was nervous about her vacation because I depend on her for support right now, she’s a big life-line for me – and she said, “Well, maybe we shouldn’t talk until after my vacation.” And it really hurt my feelings because of course the neon sign starts flashing “ABANDONMENT”. And I was all, “WTH, that’s the answer? To not talk from now to then so I can get used to your being gone before you’re gone??” But maybe she’s right. Maybe this is one of those, “Grace, I’m doing this for your own good, things.” And maybe it’s best for her too, if we don’t talk, if she doesn’t know how I “feel”. Yes, the more that I think about it…the more... »View More
Added Tuesday, August 17, 2010
in Bitch-slapped by the universe, ESF (evil step-father), Flashback Follies, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Host Body is a Bitch, I can't breathe, I have bad genes, Now even I hate me, Shaking in the dark, Shit! I attached to my feelings, Therapist, Why should I trust you, depression, sui-sui-suidio...
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And then the crazy said….
Do you ever wonder about what your therapist shares with her “loved ones” about you? We would all love to believe that our “ethical and caring” therapist would never say anything about us to someone else but is that really true? What if our therapist knows someone we happen to know and he/she says something about us to that person? How would that make you feel?
This subject came up in a conversation I recently had with a friend. I mentioned that I had called the therapist in a panic and I then wondered if she was there with her “significant other” talking to me on the phone. I mean, it was 9:52pm, did she really get up and move to a different room so our conversation could remain “confidential? ... »View More
Added Friday, August 13, 2010
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Added Thursday, July 29, 2010
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My body is so sore and I am physically and emotionally drained. I tried to express this to the therapist on Monday but she insisted on pushing me past the limit. And since that time – I’ve been trapped in a whirlwind of feelings that I am having a difficult time articulating. I feel trapped, cornered, and I am unsure of how to move forward from this frozen state. My mind has been unable to wrap itself around the smallest of tasks without sending messages of alarm to every nerve ending in my body, and my skin feels as though it’s on fire…scalded. And the two people I should be able to count on for support are ripping me apart with the demands they each pile on top of me. I am suffocating under the weight of... »View More
Added Wednesday, July 14, 2010
in Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Nod if you can hear me, Oh the Anxiety, Pain, Repeat the trauma, Therapist, Why should I trust you, depression
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I do NOT understand why there seems to be such a communication problem! I thought I was handling this current situation pretty freakin’ well, all things considered! No SUI or SI actions, no drugs, or booze…frankly, I was about ready to buy myself an ice cream cone for being so AWESOME! Little did I know I should actually be spending the night in the box! Because I’ve been *BAD*
Today the therapist calls PDOC to tell her that I’m jacked up? That I have had SUI thoughts, increased ETOH, SI, and God knows what else! None of which are *accurate* assessments in my *present moment*! Oh, I’m sorry, she called to let PDOC know of her “vacation” as that was her “clinical duty” (of course... »View More
Added Thursday, July 8, 2010
in CB rant you should ignore, Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Invalidation, Nod if you can hear me, PDOC, RED HOT RAGE!, Therapist, Why should I trust you, stop judging me!
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I have been hanging on by a thread for a couple of months now. I feel so emotionally fragile that I feel like a strong wind could blow me away. I don’t expect anyone to understand. I used to…but I really don’t anymore. Because of the uncontrollable rage and terror and hopelessness, I have engaged in self-destructive behavior (nothing illegal) and written detailed suicide plans. I have cut myself, drank too much, taken too many pills. I have screamed and cried and banged my head against the wall and the floor. I have begged God to let me die and begged him to help me live.
The relationship I had where I felt heard, understood, and cared about has spiraled away from me. I feel betrayed and misunderstood. I am surprised... »View More
Added Friday, July 2, 2010
in Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Invalidation, Nod if you can hear me, Shame, Therapist, TraumaHead, Why should I trust you, depression
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about the Tuesday fiasco *event* (Had I known u were coming Id have baked a cake )
THERAPIST would like to say: I imagine that you are still trying to sort out the many painful and confusing feelings related to the events on Tues. From what you shared briefly on the phone on Tues, the memories of childhood that were elicited has to be terribly painful for you. I hope that we will be able to process through this in an upcoming session, so that we can create some type of mutual understanding. I suggest a session on Friday morning rather then waiting till next week on Tues. This is my suggestion, but of course it is ultimately up to you. As best as I have been able to discern from our work together, talking about your experience... »View More
Added Thursday, July 1, 2010
in 5 year old Grace, CB rant you should ignore, CrazyBrain, ESF (evil step-father), Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Humiliation, Invalidation, Nod if you can hear me, PAG (Psycho Angry Chick), RED HOT RAGE!, Repeat the trauma, Shame, Therapist, TraumaHead, Why should I trust you, stop judging me!, suicide ideation
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I feel put off by unexpected guests. I really prefer someone to CALL first before coming over. That way I can ensure I am prepared for a visit. That I look presentable, the house looks presentable, and I have prepared tea and cookies. Unfortunately, I was caught off guard this morning, and I had none of the above in place!
I also prefer a PHONE CALL before someone should send someone else to my house. For example, should someone like to arrange a play date with the 8 year old, I’d prefer some advance notice, and not just a parent dropping off a child at my house. Likewise, should my shrink decide I’m *unsafe* – I’d prefer she CALL ME and TALK TO ME DIRECTLY! Prior to sending the authorities to my house!
Gosh,... »View More
Added Tuesday, June 29, 2010
in CB rant you should ignore, CrazyBrain, Grace's Thoughts, Humiliation, Invalidation, Oh the Anxiety, RED HOT RAGE!, Shaking in the dark, Shame, Therapist, Trust, Why should I trust you, depression, stop judging me!
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