Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Imagine if you were: Silent ~ Invisible ~ Unseen ~ Unheard
Imagine you are a child, alone in the darkness, trying to scurry away from the monsters for if they saw you, they would hurt you. You stayed shut up inside yourself, ensuring you did not move, did not look them in the eyes. You pretended it was not painful by going someplace else. Pretenses and secrets were how you hid in the darkness, how you survived. When you were unable to hide, you would smile at others, be thankful and polite…but when others would leave your mind returned to the darkness, the only solitude you had.
Imagine you were invisible and silent, your mouth forced close by others. They did not want to hear you, they could not hear you, they... »View More
Added Wednesday, October 14, 2009
in 5 year old Grace, CSA, Gracie Cries, Nod if you can hear me, Shame, child abuse
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You will NOT and you canNOT “hold” ANY part of me!
You may not like what I have to say here, but I WILL AND CAN HOLD “ALL” OF YOU, even the ugliness, shame, dirtiness, anger, sorrow, etc. It is “my choice” to do this when you entrust me with your feelings, needs, thoughts, actions, scars, gasps for air amidst tears, shakes, etc. I will not hide it, burn it or destroy it, because this is included in all of you and I am in our world to help you love, accept, tolerate, redirect, all that you come to discover about you. You don’t have to believe that you are strong right now….I know that you are. BE SICK OF IT ALL…BE ALL OF YOU and stop the secrets about *this* because *this* is you and every... »View More
Added Wednesday, October 14, 2009
in CrazyBrain, Defiant Grace, Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, I can do it by myself, Invalidation, Nod if you can hear me, Therapist, Why should I trust you
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Should I throw my front teeth in the BUCKET too?
Most of the time it’s really the psychological effects of being fucked as a kid that I tend to have trouble with…but there are also the physical symptoms that tend to make themselves known which can then make the craziness inside my head worse. I find it difficult to deal with the constant hip/pelvic pain…cramps that are not related to Aunt Flo’s visit…and headaches and the constant nausea – UTIs no matter how much water you drink. Most days I can ‘manage’ the physical pain. By the term ‘manage’ I mean trying to do what I can to make it tolerable – not bucket slinging. But breathing, stretching, taking hot baths, motrin…that... »View More
Added Wednesday, October 14, 2009
in CSA, DBT is NOT Therapy, Defiant Grace, Grace's Thoughts, I hate DBT, Invalidation, Marsha is a cult leader, Nod if you can hear me, Repeat the trauma, Shaking in the dark, Therapist, TraumaHead, child abuse
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Oh…The “Humanity”
One of the heartbreaking realizations of understanding humanity is accepting the fact that there were, are, and will always be people who act in ways toward others that are cruel, sadistic, and selfish. People, who act on their own wants, pain, needs, emotions; seemingly with no concern for the other party involved.
Yes, we must accept that there will always be people we trusted who will play the power card on someone smaller and weaker than them because they can, and because they know they hold the ‘Right Bower’, the ultimate trump card, and they cannot be beaten.
Posted by Grace at 8:12 PM
Labels: Grace’s thoughts
2 comments:
Ethereal Highway said…Yeah, it sucks to be dealt the ‘get... »View More
Added Tuesday, October 13, 2009
in Grace's Thoughts, Invalidation
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009
In Today’s News: STEPFORD MARSHAS have taken over the MHP community…and the man who was traumatized by eating too many Ding Dongs
If you’re a long time reader you know exactly what I think about DBT and it’s Creator. When the therapist initially began talking about DBT to me I told her DBT was not for me (hey – that rhymes!) and I was not interested in pursuing a career in buckets. And the topic fell by the wayside for a while…but then it resurfaced again.
And when it resurfaced, it came back in a big way…it was all the therapist talked about! I thought I had traveled into a parallel universe and I could not find my way back. I am not sure when the Goddess of DBT (the flying... »View More
Added Tuesday, October 13, 2009
in CrazyBrain, DBT is NOT Therapy, Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, I hate DBT, Invalidation, Marsha is a cult leader, Nod if you can hear me, Now that's just funny, Repeat the trauma, Survivors against DBT & the Nun, Therapist, TraumaHead
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009
He Changed his racist/sexist mind? NOW he willing to talk to a woman?
Some men just do not understand that my uterus does not interfere with my brain when it comes to making high-quality business decisions. And from time to time I feel the need to clarify this as well as provide examples of my exemplary professional communication skills no matter which stage of the menstrual cycle I might find myself in. However, I recognize that there are still those who will not accept that a woman or a minority can ‘talk the talk’. I do not take this personal as I understand that prejudices exist in this world today and that people who hold these prejudices are imprudent and foolish. I will not tell them to ‘contain’ their... »View More
Added Tuesday, October 13, 2009
in CrazyBrain, Grace's Thoughts, Now that's just funny
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Let’s go live to Saving Grace for a special “Good Enough” update…
Gratitude and thankfulness can lighten the spirit.
I have strong feelings of gratitude tonight…thankful for those in my life that understand me and support me as I am, through both the good times and the bad times. The winds have calmed for a time of respite…however brief it may be, it is at least a moment to catch my breath and give thanks to my friends who have supported me, and a few who have carried me…helping me get to this ‘place’…the place I am in right now, in the present moment…
My children… They think I’m pretty damn cool ~ but they also think the same of Spongebob…so I’m not really sure what that means…but they are... »View More
Added Monday, October 12, 2009
in Grace's Thoughts, Gracefully Growing
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Young Lady, you WILL contain it until “I” can deal with it!
“I’m sure you would tell that to your 16 year old daughter”
Yeah, you’re right. If I had communicated to my 16 year old daughter that she could tell me anything and I would never judge her – and she came to me about sex – instead of addressing it head on, I’d INSIST that she throw her 16 year old sexual urges inside the bucket marked, of course, “16 Year old sexual urges” because I am not at a point in my life where I can handle them. Surely my boundaries would only strengthen our relationship.
And then if she got pregnant or caught an STD because I was unable to help her sort out her overwhelming emotional and physical feelings about... »View More
Added Monday, October 12, 2009
in DBT is NOT Therapy, Defiant Grace, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Invalidation, Nod if you can hear me, PAG (Psycho Angry Chick), Therapist
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*Execution Boundary* card says, “Climb aboard the DBT Cruise Ship or else…”
To The Therapist:
You have pulled out the *Execution Boundary* card ~ stating if I do not do DBT we can no longer work together. You are determined and confident that the DBT path is the right one and I am equally indomitable that I will not go down that path again. As I see it, this leaves us in an irresolvable divergence. A kind of crossroads. And now I am told that if I do not try harder, if I do not consent to DBT, that you will no longer work with me, thereby reinforcing my ingrained thoughts of badness, and being cast out…that no one can ever be trusted to know my “true” feelings or they will call me bad.
I hear your powerful word as threats... »View More
Added Sunday, October 11, 2009
in Grace's Thoughts
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Saturday, October 10, 2009
Breaking up is hard to do…
I am not going back to see “The Therapist”…not for now, maybe not forever.
She is not going to change back into the ‘caring’ therapist she once was -and I’ve been fooling myself for believing that I could accept her as the “Therapist” she has turned into ~ no longer being able to offer me what I need. But, as someone ‘gently’ told me…this isn’t about her, it’s about me.
And “ME” knows she isn’t going to be here for me in the ways I need her too.
It hurts and it sucks ~ But it is what it is…..
Posted by Grace at 4:31 PM
Labels: Grace’s thoughts, the therapist
4 comments:
Ethereal... »View More
Added Saturday, October 10, 2009
in Grace's Thoughts, Grace's thoughts on therapy, Invalidation, Nod if you can hear me, Therapist
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