THIS IS THE FUNNIEST VIDEO I”VE EVER SEEN!!
 Caskets Manufacturercasket-coffin.com h6lw8wa@qq.com |
SERIOUSLY SPAM *commenters*?? Why yes, how did you know I am in the market for a casket? You got urns too?
Submitted on 2010/08/30 at 12:36am
Hey admin, very informative blog post! Pleasee continue this awesome work.. h6lw8wa@qq.com
Caskets Manufacturer
http://www.casket-coffin.com 0
ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam| Trash |
Dear Guardian Angels 3 # |
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I HAVE NO WORDS…REALLY…I DON’T…except to say I have one of these in my purse right now – I am SSOOO asking for a raise today!!!
Hey Ladies, Want a Raise? Wash Your Vagina — Women’s Day Magazine’s Ultra-Sexist Ad
Ya’ll thought I was just fucking with you, didn’t ya?
OMFG! I hope this day is not going to continue to follow THE path of this morning! LARGE DIET COKE! Not sure in what fuckin’ language that equates to DR PEPPER! FUCKWADS @ MCDONALD’S ! THANKS! Thanks for the Dr Pepper that I took a HUGE drink of! YOU WILL ALWAYS WORK FOR MINIMUM WAGE!
Big Puppy spent yesterday at the “SPA” and he looks and smells so good…unfortunately, they didn’t do anything for his breath – cuz it still smells like ass….(Id’ve paid extra!) \
OH! and there is ALSO the awesome distraction of *Marilyn Merlot* perfect with Judy Garland trail mix…
Sometimes you don’t have to look any farther than your email spam box for humor. Seriously! This is “flarious” (fucking-hilarious- also other connotation….on purpose (she says for the dense). THIS IS THE KIND OF EMAIL I RECIEVE: (don’t hate me cuz i’m popular!)
1. UPSIZE YOUR SAUSAGE INTO A BRATWURST: Formulated from 100% natural components to enhance your enjoyment in bed (You have my attention!) I emailed the dude toute de’ suite to let him know I don’t allow food out of the kitchen so does this shit work on the grill too? Sadly, he hasn’t responded…cuz I’m really fuckin’ curious!
2. I also emailed Phoebe Ingram to let her know that no, my “man-hood” is NOT working, actually…and what can she do to help me cuz it’s quite distressing. I also told her the therapist is going on vacation, also distressing…she wasn’t sympathetic at the fuck all! Rude! I was just answering her question!
3. Finally, I emailed Amanda Vasquez to let her know that I totally agree with her! 2 inches WOULD make a HUGE difference. Who wouldn’t want to be 2 inches taller when you’re 5′3″! THAT one I ordered…what’s to lose. it’s “money back guarentee”
Dear Friend, if you read this you know who you are. I’ve been thinking of you and wondering how you’re doing. I also want you to know that I think you’re right: There’s nothing more that can be done. The good news….I’ve done everything I can. I think we all have.
INGLORIOUS BASTARDS…. I watched this movie tonight with the hus. I didn’t really want to because I wasn’t really in a place where I thought I could focus on a movie – since I haven’t been able to focus on anything today…for many days actually – but I like Quentin Tarantino movies (like Pulp Fiction…one of my favs). It was really good. (although I was rather surprised the hus wanted to watch it since much of it was in sub-titles…) SYNOPSIS: During World War II, Lt. Aldo Raine leads his squad of Jewish-American soldiers behind enemy lines in Nazi occupied France. Their job is simple: kill the enemy. They also have a particularly violent approach to what they do scalping their victims. Soon they are known and feared throughout the German army. In Paris, Shosanna runs a cinema and through a chance meeting with a German war hero, is selected to host the premiere of one of Dr. Josef Goebbels propaganda film. With all of the German high command scheduled to attend – including Hitler, Goering and Martin Bormann – it seems like the ideal opportunity for Lt. Raine and his men to bring the war to a quick end. Shosanna, who is Jewish and whose parents and siblings were killed before her eyes, also has her own plans for the evening’s festivities. When she realizes that the man who killed her family Colonel Hans Landa, known as the Jew Hunter, will also be there it makes her own plans complete.
I really admired the strength of Shoshana – who’s family was killed by the “jew hunter” … she was a survivor. And she was motivated by the revenge she would have on the man who slaughtered her family. Revenge…NOT forgiveness! Revenge….some things are unforgivable. I get that…some things are worth sacrificing your own life for…I get that too. I TIVOd it…maybe I can watch it again some time. Find some strength like she did in her own life tragedy.
The 8 year old CMAU! She’s been swimming 3x this week and tonight she said her eye was itching and hurting from the chlorine. So she gets frustrated and she says, “I hate this eye! I wish I was a cyclops!” And I was all, “That’d be awesome! And every night I would sing to you” You’re the one- “EYE” one – “EYE”…you’re the one – “EYE” One – “EYE” LOVE”
18 second clip about a *kickin’ ass duck*
AboutTo whip ass
KIDS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS (I miss that show…)
On the way home from camp the 8 year old wanted to listen to “If it wasn’t for guys like you there wouldn’t be songs like this” (carrie underwood) and there’s a line in the song where she says, “caught you on the couch with my best friend.” This was the conversation between the 8 and 11 year olds after the song:
11 year old: Carrie Underwood has some anger issues
8 year old: Well, her exboyfriend was a jerk
11 year old: How do you know?
8 year old: Hello! He BOUGHT her best friend a couch!
HILARICAL!
Huh! I had no idea Patrick Demsey was in Scream 3! And what happened to Neve’ Campbell after Wild Things…or that weird movie where everyone drove a UGO? Drowning Mona! OMG! They are filming Scream 4! “In Production” (I had to look up the name of the movie Drowning Mona – which, was one of those films no one has ever heard of…but it’s actually really funny. Anyway, Scream 4? For real? Aren’t they all dead yet?
yesterday I took the kids to Barnes and Noble and seriously, ya’ll -are vampires really that big of a genre now? I now live in fear that *our youth* will soon be breaking into our houses in the middle of the night sucking blood from everyone necks turning us all into vampires!! Or maybe Zombies and Vampires. Warewolfs? Is there such thing as a Zombie Vampire? (I’ll be back, I have to go make a garlic necklace…) And at the risk of getting attacked by all the vampires in the world – I think I’m probably one of 8 people on the planet who couldn’t finish the book Twilight – dumb! (I said it – it’s out there)
Well F**K me gently with a chainsaw! I clicked my heels together three times and I seem to have landed in this fucked up land where all this fucked up shit that wouldn’t normally seem funny – is totally fucking hilarical! THAT’S FUCKED UP!
I’ve received some awesome and some not so awesome gifts in my life. Like my grandpa’s sister used to give me broken barbies for christmas – and had I not already been fucked up -that would have done the trick! It’s hard for Ken and Barbie to fuck (that’s not how you played Barbies?) When Barbie is missing a leg and Ken’s fucking head (the one on his shoulders) keeps popping off! But THIS! This takes the fucking cake! This is not for real, right?
OMG! ANOTHER FUCKING DBT *TRAGEDY* I feel the EXACT same way!!! Poor girl! I STG! The FUCKERS who send trauma patients to these fucking classes, further fucking them up should have to help pay to get them UNFUCKED! When the FUCK are the FUCKING-MHPs going to fucking learn!! (Yeah, there’s a reason I”m so fucking “Judegmental” Because you FORCE us to go to DBT and then we fucking get worse!!!! FUCK! Marsha Linehan is a stupid fucking cunt!
a flashback a new trauma in itself?
…. and she suggested the word ’soothe’…. WHAMMO, i see an hear the DBT lady whackin her hand on the table and saying ‘you just have to stop that’, an we started cryin’.
now we only saw that video this year, once with my nurse an once in the hospital and both times we triggered by that part. now even – seein in text – the lady’s name triggers us an we see an hear her hand slammin down onto the counter an her sayin’ ‘you just have to stop that’ (or whatever it is exactly, thats how we remember it).
we is having words trigger flashbacks to a video that triggered us just this year!!!! im sure the video originally triggered us for some as yet unknown (specific) reason, but we is flashbackin’ to our reaction to the video!!!!! jus our reaction to the video was traumatic enough we flashback to the video!!!!
[we think DBT is no good for trauma ppl!!!!!]
so anyways we started bawlin’ an our nurse said ok, not that word. [which is too bad cuz some of the littlest littles like the idea of havin a soother, but now that word is wrecked (but haha, they can still have 'teething rings' to suck/gnaw on, lol)]. so we came up with ‘comfort’ an ‘nurture’, as ways to help ‘cope’ with and ‘work with’ the flood of emotions an stuff.
but we can’t say ’self-nurture’ or ’self-comfort’ cuz it’s too close to ’self-soothing’ which the DBT lady says, so they is too close an reminds an triggers too.
but haha, that’s ok, cuz ‘nurture-usselfs’ or ‘comfort-usselfs’ is more accurate anyways! LOL ~ Search for Clarity
K – so I bought this alarm clock a while ago and it isWAY BRIGHT! Like AIRPORT RUNWAY bright! And I can’t sleep with any light AT ALL…like in hotel rooms, I put a towel in the front of the bottom of the door to block the light in the hall. I truly cannot wait to get the 1st “post alarm clock” electric bill – cuz DANG!
The hus keeps aksing me if I can trade alarm clocks with either the 11 year old or the 8 year old – but being the creative frugal genius that I am (or not) I decided that it might be “okay” if I put a headband over the clock AND turn it toward the wall when I go to bed. And it works!
A bit of awesomeness, right? The hus is all, “How do you know what time it is?” And I’m like, “It doesnt’ matter…I will just do my best to get out of bed when the alarm rings.” Secretly, I’m thinking of chucking the damn thing and getting one of those cool ipod dock alarm clocks…
I told the therapist today that freaking rock climbing is way dangerous and she starts giving me this “risk analysis” and I was all, “What the hell – are you fucking Ben Stiller?” And then she looked at me all offended, or like I was crazy (it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference), and I had to explain that I meant “fucking” as an adjective, not a verb. I KNOW she isn’t actually fucking Ben Stiller; I was referring to the movie “Along Came Polly” in which Ben plays a risk analyst And now I’m wondering if she was actually projecting her fear onto me- when she asked me if I was afraid she might fall off a rock…maybe SHE was afraid she might fall off a cliff. Hum…
I got the new EVO phone – which is pretty awesome – and I was downloading all these aps – and then FB came up and it displayed this message:
Wow! My phone never made me cry before…well, except that time I dropped my blackberry in a glass of cranberry juice and it wouldn’t do anything other than dial 1 phone number…and no it wasn’t the therapist’s. This phone is OBVIOUSLY not good for my self esteem! Making me question my friendships. Thanks, EVO! Think you’re all cool because you have “G4″ network” – whatever! (I then realized that I wasn’t signed into any sort of facebook account…so EVO technically has no idea who many friends I have…)
6/20/10
The 8 year old has WAY too much energy! but is very creative and entertains herself – although she does talk the entire time she plays…
Her ability to self-entertain works for me since I look & feel like total shit! (Oh, and I’m grouchy as Hell too..so please do try not to piss me off today…one of us might end up in jail – or dead– which would not be good – unless it was me, and the 2nd option)
Wouldn’t it be totally KICK-ASS if we could jump into a DeLorean and go back and change the past!
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine mentioned that she started using empty wine bottles to water her plants…like that “aqua globe” thingie they sell on TV. She fills wine bottles with water and puts them upside-down in the soil of all of her outdoor plants. Interesting…I thought. Then this afternoon I dropped by her house to p/u the 8 year old and there were all these plants with wine bottles in them…and I STG it looked like a freakin’ sorority party gone wrong! I didn’t have the heart to tell her her *genius* idea pretty much makes her look like an alcoholic…
I haven’t been able to get my alarm clock to work in about a month (honestly, I think I’ve had it since college) and I’ve put off buying a new one because I really couldn’t make getting up early a priority…but I finally got one today. And tonight, when the hus opened the bedroom door to go to bed- it was like a 90 watt blue light bulb glowing from the bedroom. There is NO WAY in hell I’ll be able to sleep with that much light…and I’m pretty sure it wont be long before the cops show up at my house - only not because the the therapist thinks i’m “unsafe” but because the neighbors called them thinking we’re growing medical marijuana in our bedroom, without a license! And that’s on the *dim* setting. It also has a nightlight – which, is also blue and turned on it looks like the entire bedroom is at the bottom of a swimming pool. Yes, it’s THAT BRIGHT!
Big-Puppy cannot keep up with the insomniac….
Seriously…Stephen King is one crazy mother fucker for thinking up this crazy ass shit!!!! I love how he makes “guest appearances” in his movies. Pet Cemetary…a preacher!
Tonight I overheard the hus talking to the 11 year old about sunscreen… “You need to use more sunscreen. I think you missed your neck. I have to take special care of you. You’re the only boy I’ve got. The only boy your mother ever gave me.” Thanks…thanks for saying that tonight.
In a recent therapy session, I didn’t want to take off my sunglasses so I told the therapist I was playing Ray Charles…and she totally acted like she didn’t even know who Ray Charles was! Like…only a LEGEND in *SOUL* music! Hello! Honestly, I felt bad for her…it made me want to drown in my own tears…
My office on Monday morning after being out all last week…
I just dropped the 8 year old off at another b-day/sleepover party – she’s so popular…just ask her – and there are 7 – 8 year olds sleeping over – OMG! I KNOW that woman must be heavily medicated – I had 3 and thought I was going to lose my mind! ….(this time in the neighborhood-rather han a neighboring town – yay)
the 8 year old made me this bracelet tonight…a “get well” bracelet, this will make you feel better…am I sick? Ah…the innocence of a child (not that I would know). She’s right. Her bracelet did make me feel better…and loved.
SHOULD I BE WORRIED? The hus calls and asks where I am And I’m all “Why?” and he’s all, “I am home but I can’t get in the house becuz my garage door opener isn’t working and neither is my house key.” and i’m all like, “Um, are you sure you’re at the right house???”
THEN THIS MORNING: Had a long terrible night last night and then this morning I didn’t get out of bed even after I woke up…and I heard the hus yell upstairs to the 11 year old, “Do you know how to work that new coffee maker your mom bought?” Seriously!
The 8 year old and her friends are into making bracelets and necklaces – so she is making me a necklace to wear to the baseball game today. I got to pick the colors…and I’m a bit icked out that she has it on her foot…but it’s still cute…like her…
OH! AND! I did shower and wash my hair today – first time ALL week! So byte me!
Yesterday, “In Session” the therapist was sort of yelling at me, telling me I suck and never do anything *to help myself*… And I was kind of offended and disagreed with her, that I do sometimes, occasionally, however brief, do things for “myself.” And she was all, “Well, I don’t know that because you only tell me the bad shit.” And I’m all like, “Gee therapist, I didn’t realize I was supposed to give you lists of my accomplishments, I thought you were supposed to help me with the BAD SHIT! You know the *shit we don’t speak of* that you like to pressure me to talk about. My bad!” I guess it’s really supposed to be like tell her 1 bad thing and 2 good things….I’ll have to remember that. Is that the rule for ALL therapists?
So I suppose I should say that I took a *FAIRY GARDEN CLASS* and made a fucking ZEN FAIRY GARDEN! I SWEAR!!! I kinda did the whole zen theme as a joke – but it’s pretty fucking awesome! (I know – I amaze you with my creative skills)
Oh, I should also display the awesome fairy gardens of the lovely girls/women who attended the class with me!
The 8 year old’s fairy garden:
My friend P’s fairy garden:
My friend L’s fairy garden:
My friend K’s fairy garden:
My friend K’s daughter’s fairy garden:
My awesome admin asst J’s fairy garden:
ITS INDEPENDENCE DAY! Guess what July 4th is? YES! The ESF’s BIRTHDAY! EVIL STEP FATHER, 65 …..July 4, 1937 — May 15, 2003 Let me just say, in his “honor”: “Life is a tavern…and all you need is a good fuck.” That’s what he said to me….words to live by. Words that live on past his DEATH in May of 2003. I never wrote that in my book to tell granny….
I was listening to this podcast by Kay Redfield Jamison and she said every 17 minutes someone commits suicide.
“Those with the greatest capacity for good are also those with the greatest capacity for evil”…strangely, this quote rings true for me tonight….
ZOMBIE DOG!
Excuse me, sir big-friendly-puppy? What is that red thing between your killer paws? Are you armed?
(Oh, wait, it’s a kong-with peanut butter in it…still – could be dangerous!)
RUN AWAY!
A cop is scared of this dog? HOLY SHIT! I feel really safe and protected….by our trusted po-leece force!
